Monday Morning Mirth
Chicago has become the premiere Dress Rehearsal for Broadway Shows before they hit the ground running in New York…
It’s a thankless job, but somebody’s gotta do it and right now the whole City is enthralled by SPAMALOT, an Eric Idle, of Monty Python fame, creation. An All Star Cast, directed by Tony and Academy Award-winner Mike Nichols, includes David Hyde Pierce, Tim Curry and Hank Azaria, who work the boards with their fratured tale of knights and chivalry.
Thus, I bring you these to try out on your friends, foes and maybe that person stepping all over you on the BUS!
THE OFFICIAL DO-IT YOURSELF
SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT
To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with ‘Thou’:
Column 1 .|. Column 2 .|. Column 3
artless .|. base-court .|. apple-john
beslubbering .|. beef-witted .|. barnacle
bootless .|. beetle-headed .|. bladder
churlish .|. boil-brained .|. boar-pig
clouted .|. clay-brained .|. bum-bailey
craven .|. common-kissing .|. canker-blossom
dankish .|. dizzy-eyed .|. coxcomb
droning .|. doghearted .|. codpiece
fobbing .|. elf-skinned .|. flap-dragon
gleeking .|. flap-mouthed .|. foot-licker
goatish .|. fly-bitten .|. fustilarian
impertinent .|. fool-born .|. gudgeon
jarring .|. guts-griping .|. harpy
loggerheaded .|. half-faced .|. hedge-pig
mammering .|. hedge-born .|. hugger-mugger
mewling .|. idle-headed .|. lewdster
pribbling .|. ill-nurtured .|. maggot-pie
puking .|. knotty-pated .|. malt-worm
puny .|. milk-livered .|. mammet
qualling .|. motley-minded .|. measle
rank .|. onion-eyed .|. minnow
reeky .|. plume-plucked .|. miscreant
roguish .|. pottle-deep .|. moldwarp
ruttish .|. pox-marked .|. mumble-news
surly .|. rump-fed .|. puttock
tottering .|. shard-borne .|. pumpion
unmuzzled .|. sheep-biting .|. ratsbane
venomed .|. swag-bellied .|. skainsmate
villainous .|. tardy-gaited .|. strumpet
weedy .|. unchin-snouted .|. whey-face
yeasty .|. weather-bitten .|. Wagtail
Love the Shakepearean mix and match insults! So much more intelligent than your common, overused obscenities. Plus you can get away before the recipient realizes he’s been insulted.
Such a good one! My favorite: Thou mammering rump-fed canker-blossom. I could put that on a greeting card!
How about:
Thou yeasty, beef-witted, puttock!
Droning, swag-bellied harpy! Who could go through life without using that one?? I will attempt to use that today at work. Wonder how that will go over???
And who can forget “thou cream-faced loon” from Macbeth?
Oh i am SO jealous! I would love to see TIm CUrry and Hank Azaria doing Python!! If you go please tell us all about it!
yeasty hedge-born footlicker. nice.